I have described myself before as a people-pleaser. I hate to let people down and usually do whatever they ask me to. I think it makes me dependable, trustworthy, and reliable. But I've learned that it hurts me more than it works to my benefit. Sometimes, I can't even say "no" when someone asks me to do something for them. For example, I do a lot of secretarial work for one of my friends even though I am not employed by her...I don't mind helping, yet I began feeling resentful every time she needed me. And I wondered why. I found that it was because I couldn't say "no". Even amidst finals, the death of my family dog, and work, she continued to ask me to help her...and as stressed as I was, I never said no. I couldn't sleep at night due to late-nighters for schoolwork that I hadn't completed since I spent the days working on her projects. When my friends asked if I wanted to go somewhere with them, I felt suuuuuuper guilty for having to tell them that I has schoolwork. That's when it clicked. "Why do I feel guilty for having to say "no"?" If I said yes, it wouldn't benefit me. Everything seemed so backward. I felt that I would displease God if I put myself first instead of thinking for others, yet, I realized again that I had it backwards. Putting others first didn't mean that I had to be a doormat. I know now to trust my heart and God to know when to say yes and when to say no.
I've been practicing it a lot lately and have been less stressed since I have more time to complete what I need before committing my time to others. And I hope this post doesn't sound selfish, I really don't mean it to be...the overall message I am trying to send is that we must please God through all of our actions, no matter what. There is nothing wrong with saying "no" sometimes. Blessings!
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4 comments:
Wait till you meet Adam Williams, the housing director. His slogan "How about no." He's fond of teaching people that it is okay to say no to things. :].
I did meet Adam briefly while I was there in March! I can't wait to get to know him better, especially if he helps teach the students that saying no sometimes is a good thing. I gotta say NOOOOO sometimes!
This is a big challenge for me as well. It helped me to realize that saying yes all the time was a way to keep myself from feeling anxious that people wouldn't like me, and that saying yes is not always in the best interest of the person who is asking, and that conserving my time, energy, and talents is good stewardship.
Expwoman,
I defeinitely agree that avoiding no was a way for me to avoid being disliked by others. My thought was, "If I do everything they ask, they will like me". Now, I see how horribly twisted that statement is. I'm glad that we have both recogized the power of no :)
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